So, you want to be a politician

To become a politician you need only two things:

• A constituency in which to stand
• Enough votes to be elected

To deal with the first, find a strong political party and join them. From your point of view, they must optimise your chances of making it into parliament. Don't choose a small political party, except if it's up and coming and clearly going places fast.

Now you must make your way up in your party so you're given a seat to represent. You'll hear about hard, dedicated work for years, but that's nonsense. Brown-nosing and backstabbing will work better and are the two most popular ways of getting somewhere in politics, but there's something even better—building a huge popular support. No party can resist a candidate who brings waves of votes with him. You'll leapfrog the old party stalwarts with years of dedication into a seat.

Building your following

This has nothing to do with honesty, putting people first, dedication, or any of what's commonly trumpeted. It has everything to do with playing the great unwashed. Don't concern yourself with the few of higher intelligence—they don't swing constituencies. Work the masses.

So, how do you do this? The two abilities that will serve you best are acting and speech-making. Study them. Hitler went to beer halls and delivered speeches, closely watching the reaction of the crowd to what he was saying and his mannerisms. What eventually made him untouchable was his huge public support. No party could afford to ditch him or even speak in less than glowing terms about him. He was democratically elected. He told the hoi-polloi what they wanted to hear; they were better than other people and together they would make Germany great again. You can't beat telling people what they want to hear to make them like you. Let that be a lesson to you.

Some people have a face and a voice one just likes. Ronald Reagan was such a one and most likely the most popular President America ever had. He often had a trace of a smile on his face and loved telling jokes. Hitler was threatening and promised to rain hell and damnation on everybody in Germany's way. You must know your audience and your times and adapt to them—they won't adapt to you. Mingle with the masses and find out what they think and what they want and tell them you heartily agree with them and will give them what they want. You want to be an elected politician, right?

You can't beat Count Victor Lustig as someone to learn from. Pay attention to his Ten Commandments. Politicians and confidence tricksters are both in the people business, and both must know how to sway them. You really have only one commandment, the eleventh—don't get caught.

Follow this advice and you'll soon be on easy street from where you can rake it in. You don't have to know anything about anything, except how to hoodwink people and get the masses on your side.

Against Democracy

There are only two things wrong with democracy. They are:

• Those who vote
• Those they vote for

Those who vote

The average intelligence of the general population of every country is average. But don't let the word average fool you. It really means that on average, humanity's as thick as two short planks. When it comes to voting, the small percentage of intelligent people doesn't matter. Those who matter are the great unwashed. And this group has only a tenuous grip on reality. We all know the Greeks have been living beyond their means on borrowed money for years. When it finally caught up with them and they needed to curb their lifestyles and get their hands dirty and work, they demonstrated and had protest marches. They wanted to keep on living beyond their means on borrowed money forever and ever. How they saw that as possible, they didn't say.

When the French government recently wanted to introduce legislation to make French industry more competitive by giving greater power to employers, the French took to the streets. They demanded that their jobs stay highly paid, secure and with generous perks. They didn't say how they planned to be competitive with mostly Eastern countries where workers don't have it so well.

The whole democracy issue is best summarised by a quote attributed to Robert Heinlein; Once the monkeys learn they can vote themselves bananas, they'll never climb another tree. Benjamin Franklin said much the same; When the people find that they can vote themselves money that will herald the end of the republic. And this is the crux of the matter, the great unwashed will want what they want irrespective of whether what they want is reasonable and realistic. And they will vote for those promising them what they want.

In Australia, young people from all over the world come on extended holidays. They don't have much money, so they stay in modest accommodation known as backpacker lodges. They themselves are referred to as backpackers. Many of them take up menial work to supplement their funds, mostly things like fruit picking in season. Australians don't want to do this kind of work. As much of this work is on a cash basis, the government doesn't get what they regard as their fair share of this money. Just now, on TV, a politician, maybe the relevant minister, talked about financing government. Back-packers featured prominently. The government considered introducing a flat tax on them, but reconsidered as they thought it would discourage backpackers coming to Australia and doing really essential work and spending some money here. This politician bemoaned the fact that Australians won't take up this work, in which case these workers would be on the books and could be taxed. In addition, these people would then not rely on Centrelink to keep them in the pink and in booze with enough left over for the horses, the poker machines (pokies), and the many kinds of sports betting available in Australia. This politician said the government is deliberating how they can change things so that Australians will take up these jobs.

Of course, laws could be changed to implement Paul's dictum : The one who is unwilling to work shall not eat. But that will ensure that whichever party is in opposition will promise to undo these changes if they come into power. The opposition will then be elected at the next election as sure as politicians have very generous perks. It is, therefore, safe to say that Australians won't take up this lowly paid, hard work. Legalise compulsory higher wages for this work and the products generated won't be competitive in the world markets.

Working mothers of newborns in Australia can get paid parental leave amounting to AUD672.60 per week before tax for a maximum of 18 weeks. 18 Weeks amount to four months. Not only can new mothers get paid parental leave, there is also a Dad and Partner paid parental leave for the same amount, but only for two weeks. Needless to say, there is a clamour to make these perks even more generous.

And that's not all, Domestic Violence Leave is also much in play in Australia. In fact, the perpetrators may be entitled to paid domestic violence leave . This will surely make Australia more competitive in the world's markets and ensure jobs into the future.

In Australia, like in much of the West, manufacturing is on the ropes. The export of manufacturing jobs to Eastern countries is going strong, however. It's widely accepted that the car manufacturing industry will go. All the remaining three big manufacturers will close in either 2016 or 2017. In fact, the Ford factory closed on Friday the 7th of October 2016. The story is very similar to the British Motor Industry. Jaguar is owned by the Indian Car Manufacturer, Tata, Rolls-Royce Motor Cars Limited is owned by BMW, Austin is gone, Morris is gone, and the list goes on and on. Recently, a contract for new railway carriages for the NSW railways went to South Korea, despite the fact that there is a concern that manufactures rolling stock in Newcastle, NSW. The relevant government said that the South Korean bid was 25% lower and that there are no quality concerns. In fact, as regards to quality... Thank the unions, thank democracy. For a while, the workers had it very good. But they were, as the great unwashed always is, unable to see what was real and sustainable and what was only a socialist dream leading to a rude awakening. As there was so little brain to wash, brainwashing them was an easy job. Pie in the sky seemed so real.

The only qualification needed to vote is to have reached the voting age. As if age brings intelligence.

When all is said and done, a true democracy where the great masses get their wishes is nothing but mob rule.

Those getting the votes

Before an aspirant politician can become a fully fledged politician, he or she must get enough votes to be elected. That means he or she must be able to convince enough of the great unwashed to vote for him. That means, first of all, he must maneuver himself into a position to become a candidate for the party with the best chance of winning his constituency. Of course, he may stand as an independent, but that greatly diminishes his chances of getting elected. All that is needed depends on appearances. The ability to get elected has nothing to do with the ability to manage a country or part thereof. A minister of a portfolio needs no knowledge of his portfolio. A hairdresser is often better qualified for her job than a minister of a portfolio for his portfolio. The people attracted to politics are by nature snake oil salesmen and women - all they need to do is to charm and smooth talk enough people to support them when they need that support. They must know how to lead the fickle great unwashed by its collective dirty snout. The ones who can see through them don't matter. There are too few of those.

Democracy is not to be found in any field needing knowledge. How would you feel if the surgeon going to operate on you were elected by the great unwashed from among any group of candidates who thought they'd like the pay of a surgeon? Say the pilot of the plane in which you're going to fly were also elected. And the engineers who designed and supervised the building of the huge bridge that's supposed to carry hundreds of thousands of cars a day had been elected. How come it's fine that those at the head of a country need no knowledge? All they need is enough of the great unwashed to vote for them. Does this make sense?

Being so dependent on the fickle masses makes a politician vulnerable. Anybody who can deliver on anything that can sway the great unwashed will have much influence with a politician. Enter the lobbyists who control too few votes to make a difference at election time but have enough money which a cunning politician can use to sway votes his way.

A few months ago, the NSW state government banned dog racing when it was discovered that there was much animal cruelty involved in it. Of course, there was the usual outcry by those involved in this shady (gambling) industry. Just today (11 October 2016), TV news reported that the NSW government was going to reverse this ban. I immediately wondered what the gambling bosses did to engineer the reversing of this ban. Of course, we can expect no in depth reporting on what happened behind the scenes. There will be the usual claptrap providing a reason - stepped up supervision, promises to eradicate cruelty from the industry, etc. But what will be offered won't be the real reason. The nature of elected government officials is such that by far the majority of people in whichever country expect them to behave dishonestly. It is no surprise therefore that people are sceptical in a situation such as this.

By far the majority of elected officials desperately want to keep their jobs. They want to remain where the pickings are rich and the pasture is lush. To succeed in this, they must convince the voting cattle to give them enough votes come election time. And for the voting cattle, being who they are, it's all about appearances. And the politicians, being who they are, appearances is the one thing about which they are very good. Reality takes a back seat.

Politicians will do whatever is needed to stay in the pound seats - collude with whoever can turn the odds their way, promise the voting cattle whatever is needed to make them vote for the party or politician concerned, even if it will bankrupt the country or kill off industry. Ask the Greeks and the English.

What else?

Most people will now ask, what is better than democracy? There is something, a country with a clear constitution and with laws flowing from that constitution. The biggest part of this constitution will be the same for all countries as people are people. There will be parts addressing the particular circumstances of the individual countries. This constitution should address everything, like the best way the particular country can be economically viable, given its strenghts and weaknesses. The constitution should embody what is best for the country and the people, not what the hoi polloi wants.

The above will never happen, though. It will prevent predators, like gambling bosses, booze barons, drug pushers, confidence tricksters and whore masters preying on the all too prevalent simple minded. And the simple minded will always be there in great numbers and those eager to prey on them, too. So, don't hold your breath. This is a world of predators and prey, with the blessing of the government of whichever country you are in.